A few Polish jokes

Does my butt look fat in this?

I’m tired of beer. What say you to a nice, fruity Chablis?

I can’t stop fantasizing about Dr. Ruth!

Yours is bigger than mine.

I think those big, jacked-up trucks look ridiculous.

There’s nothing I like more than a quiet evening at home, watching a movie on Lifetime about some woman who gives up her baby and then suffers miserably.

This joke is one of the greatest symbols in Joe Monster’s world. Having been repeatedly posted on various forums in short period of time, it became a symbol of a joke that was everybody read. Please read it carefully so that you know why your joke is called a Wilson’s nail...

Wilson runs a nail factory and decides his business needs a bit of advertising. He has a chat with a friend who works in marketing and he offers to make a TV ad for Wilson’s Nails.

"Give me a week," says the friend, "and I’ll be back with a tape."

A week goes by and the marketing executive comes to see Wilson. He puts a cassette in the video and presses play. A Roman soldier is busy nailing Jesus to the cross. He turns to face the camera and says with a grin "Use Wilson’s Nails, they’ll hold anything."

Who told you that we can’t laugh of ourselves!? Actually a few jokes are some kind of funny.. even for Poles.

What’s long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night?
A new last name.

Why did the Pole jack-off on the football field?
His coach said it was an exhibition game.

Hear about the Polish 727 that crashed into a cemetery outside of Warsaw?
So far they’ve recovered over 7000 bodies.

Do you know why the new football stadium they built in Warsaw could not be used?
No matter where you sat you were behind a Pole.

A Polish soldier was confronted by a charging German soldier and a charging Russian soldier. Which did he shoot first, and why?
He shot the German first--business before pleasure.

And one from Reszka

Two Polish guys are discussing one’s upcoming wedding..."I’m not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not."
His buddy replies, "Oh, there’s an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one ball red and one ball blue. On your honeymoon, if she laughs and says ’Those are the funniest balls I’ve ever seen!’ you hit her with the shovel!"

And another one from Milky

A Polish guy married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so and, although his English was far from perfect, they got on very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick."

The lawyer said that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him the following questions:

LAWYER: Have you any grounds?
POLE: Ja, Ja, un acre und half.

LAWYER: Does your wife beat you up?
POLE: No, I always up before her.

LAWYER: Is your wife a nagger?
POLE: No, she white.

LAWYER: Why do you want this divorce?
POLE: She going to kill me.

LAWYER: What makes you think that?
POLE: I gut proof.

LAWYER: What kind of proof?
POLE: She bought bottle at drug store, und put on shelf in bathroom. I cun read - it sez "Polish Remover."